Baby I Can Drive My Carr (Merciful End Edition?)

July 17, 2013

From our Walt Whitman desk

Boston Herald hack Howie Carr gets another spotlight dance with himself as he devotes today’s column to his favorite topic:

DSC_2683.JPGA case of what might have been

I got cut. Whitey gave me my outright release yesterday from his defense-witness list.

One minute I’m there, the 
next I’m gone, kicked down the stairs like I’m Aaron Bleepin’ Hernandez or somebody.

Around the courthouse yesterday, it was like the Monday before the start of the NFL season in September. People milling about in confusion, not knowing what to do now that they’d been placed on witness waivers.


Well, Carr knew what to do: spend the rest of the column fantasizing about what he would have said if he had been called on to testify.

Representative sample:

If I had been called, and it was always a long shot, I had been planning to start by dropping a few words and phrases in here and there, no matter what question his lawyer Jay Carney hit me with.

“Well, Mr. Carney, your client used to stare at me — Sal Mineo — whenever I’d drive around the rotary — Hank Garrity — and I’m told he wanted me to come in — Jacques — and … what was the question again?”


Uh-huh. That would’ve happened right around the time Carr won a Pulitzer.

Funny, though – no fake testimony about all the money he split with John “Hitman” Martorano, whose 20 murders netted him a short 12 years and a sweet six-figure book deal.

Far more convenient to take the Fifth, eh?


Baby I Can Drive My Carr (Kevin Weeks Edition)

July 10, 2013

From our Walt Whitman desk

Boston Herald hack Howie Carr got another spotlight dance with himself out of yesterday’s James “Whitey” Bulger court proceedings.

Carr’s column today is largely about the exceedingly odd nature of Bulger’s defense.

070913bulgermg002Whitey defense team falling into a rat trap

Whitey Bulger is obviously acting as his own lawyer, and as the old saying goes, he has a fool for a client.

How else to explain his increasingly bizarre defense, which ended yesterday in a fitful flurry of F-bombs between him and his minion, Kevin “Two” Weeks?

Talk about ironic: Whitey’s gravedigger buried his old boss, and he did it under cross-examination, by Whitey’s own lawyer.


All Bulger cares about, Carr says, “is not going down in gangland history as a rat.”  (Not to get technical about it, but Whitey also cares about not going down in gangland history as the killer of two young women, Deborah Hussey and Debra Davis.)

Regardless, as so often happens, it eventually becomes all about Howie:

Yesterday, Weeks outlined five murders, and afterward all Carney would ask him about was his informant status — that and his alleged plot to kill me. Two Weeks said he and Whitey both wanted to whack me.

“I even knew his address — 99 Concord Road.” No wonder I’m still alive. I lived at 91 Concord Road.


Just for the record: Today’s Boston Globe coverage doesn’t mention Carr.


Baby I Can Drive My Carr (Hair Mail Edition)

June 19, 2013

Talk about mailing it in: Apparently Boston Herald columnist Howie Carr can cover the James “Whitey” Bulger trial without actually attending it.

First, today’s third-class piece:

Johnny’s bad, but not the real rat

The worst word you can ever use against Johnny Martorano is “rat,” so you can bet that Whitey Bulger’s lawyers will be throwing it up against him again this morning within 30 seconds or so of resuming their cross-examination.

They’ll be trying to make him lose his cool. Good luck with that.

Stipulated, I wrote a book with Martorano, and we split the profits. I get along pretty well with him. So does just everybody else I know who knows him, believe it or not.


Carr’s readers? Not so friendly. Representative (if ungrammatical) sample:


Picture 2


And it gets even worse when it turns out Carr was a no-show yesterday:


Picture 3


Unless the hardreading staff is misreading this, Howie’s reporting telepathically.

Meanwhile, crosstown at the Boston Globe Kevin Cullen has his daily bookend to Carr’s whatever.

Pretty sure Cullen was even in the courtroom.

Baby I Can Drive My Carr

June 18, 2013

From our Walt Whitman desk

By now it’s clear to the hardreading staff – as it should be to everyone – that the trial of mobster James “Whitey” Bulger is about one thing and one thing only:

Howie Carr.

The Boston Herald columnist previously milked his presence on Bulger’s witness list for some bulk-mail pieces. Now it’s John Martorano’s turn to get a Carr ride.

From today’s piece:

061713evidence 007Martorano’s ‘career’ nothing to be proud of

Johnny Martorano seems a little more subdued these days. He’s 72 now, but it’s more than that.

I think it’s the fact that unlike during the earlier Zip Connolly trials, he’s been back in Boston for a while now. He sees his family, they can read the papers, and even though “hit man” is a fearsome job 
description, obviously it’s not anything to brag about.

And by the way, Johnny was absolutely correct on the witness stand yesterday. I did name the biography about him “Hitman” — actually, it was one of my neighbors in Florida. And yes, it is named “Hitman” because I thought that title would sell more.


And etc.

Crosstown at the Boston Globe, Kevin Cullen also addressed what label should be attached to Martorano:

[A]ccording to Johnny Martorano, he was no hitman. He murdered people. Many people. But he didn’t do it for money. He did it for friendship. He did it for honor. He did it for blah, blah, blah.

Seriously, I don’t know what’s more ridiculous: Whitey’s claim that he was never an informant, or Johnny Martorano’s insistence that he was never a hitman.


Hey, Kevin, don’t you know:  That’s “Hitman” with a capital Howie. Just ask ‘im.


Hark! The Howie! (Baby, I Can Drive My Carr)

November 14, 2013

Whitey Bulger is going away for whatever’s left of his miserable life, and no one’s going to miss him more than Boston Herald scribe Howie Carr.

Exhibit Umpteen:




This stuff is pasteurized processed American Carr, the Velveeta of reporting. Today’s slice tastes just like they all do.

In Whitey Bulger’s crosshairs

Columnist recalls terrifying days of looking over his shoulder

Whitey Bulger, you wanted to kill me, but I’m still alive._CE20010.JPG

And you’re dead. You’re not going to last long in a real prison, you bully, you coward.

I heard you’ve told some of the guards down at Plymouth you would have killed me for sure but you were concerned about blowback on your brother, who by the way didn’t show up one single day at your trial.


Hell, Whitey himself barely showed up for it. No way Billy was going to.

And now Carr’s going have to find some new targets for his drive-bys.

Something tells us he won’t look very far.