Twinkie Winkie

Junk-food journalism in Sunday’s local dailies.

From the Boston Herald:

Chew on Twinkie poll

Now that the election is over, pollsters have a lot more time on their hands to measure America’s barometer for other important topics. Such as the Twinkie.

Rasmussen Reports released a poll last week showing that 57 percent of Americans have a favorable opinion of Hostess Twinkies.

The endangered cream-filled cake actually polled higher than the brain trust in Washington, D.C.

A Rasmussen Reports poll taken just two days earlier showed 34 percent have a favorable opinion of the federal government.

From the Boston Globe:

ad63d379c1a747e89d862a985edd034b-30a09f3f4dc41320210f6a7067005d73The Twinkie defense

Wait, are you really telling me it’s over?

Seriously, it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

I’m a golden white cake in the snack-addicted United States.

I lifted America through the Great Depression.

I built bakeries and factories. I created jobs.

I joined Facebook, darn it.

Polls had me pulling ahead.

They said there was no way a perfectly groomed treat like me could lose.

It’s not my fault that 47 percent of America wants some wheaty lefty cholesterol-freebie.

I earned my success. I did the 100-calorie thing, shed my transfats.

Of course, there were places I could not compromise: high fructose corn syrup.

Did this anger Ohio?

I know how to run a business, to run a country.

And it’s not handing out gifts.

Not even to the workers who make me.

You know who says, “Better days are ahead.”

We’ll see about that.

Yes we will.

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