Well, actually, The Vineyard.
That’s the new unreality show that debuts tonight on ABC Family.
Here’s what the cable channel says about it:
ABC Family’s newest original docu-series, The Vineyard , is set against the idyllic backdrop of Martha’s Vineyard, MA, and features the island’s iconic Black Dog Tavern. The series follows a mix of locals and transplants living and playing together for the summer. Rounding out the cast of seven girls and four guys is a Latin pop princess, a hopeless romantic and a pre-med student, just to name a few. It’s sure to be an intriguing combination of new friends, new rivals and tight quarters, all resulting in a summer of trouble and romance.
Except . . here’s what the TV critics at the local dailies say about it.
Mark Perigard in the Boston Herald:
‘Vineyard’ dim bulbs are biggest losers
ABC’s new “unscripted” series “The Vineyard” — set in Martha’s Vineyard — has a lot in common with the CBS hit summer drama “Under the Dome.”
Both shows feature people in a tight geographical area. One features people behaving unspeakably stupidly and vile, the other is based on a Stephen King novel.
Shouldn’t that be “vilely”? Funny you ask – the Boston Globe’s Matthew Gilbert says, not really.
On some reality shows, the characters seem partly real and partly the creations of the director; on “The Vineyard,” the characters seem almost entirely designed by the director, as if the cast members have been given extremely precise instructions. Katie and the oh-so-chivalrous and ab-tastic Lou are going to be the romantically tortured “A” story.
OK, I have to be transparent. I just went to Thesaurus.com and searched for “repulsive,” and right now I’m feeling overwhelmed by the number of appropriate choices I have to round out my final thoughts on “The Vineyard.” “Odious” is good, but maybe a little too sniffy; there’s no point in being sniffy about a show so obviously rigged to be vapid. “Vile,” too, is an overreaction. I mean, these people are so flat and unreal, it’s pointless to waste sharp words on them. Ah well, even “repulsive” won’t do. I’ll stick with “hollow” and “generic” and get out.
Of course you’re wondering: Will the hardreading staff be watching tonight’s premiere?