From our One Town, Two Places desk
The local dailies published their traditional year-end poems yesterday, and they couldn’t be more different.
First up, the Boston Globe’s annual holidays card to readers, in verse compliments of Joseph P. Kahn.
Greetings of the season, all.
In setting up this conference call
To wish you cheer these holidays
We pray beseech the N.S.A.
To please refrain from scooping data.
(OK, we’ll talk. But maybe later?)
For feeling in the yuletide mood
Our disposition’s not improved
With thoughts of clandestine surveillance
By Santa-suited federal agents.
We’d much prefer the privacy
Of carols trilled around the tree,
Children’s laughter in the air,
Stockings hung with affordable care,
Missives filled with peace and love
And swift access to HealthCare.gov.
And Kahn is off to the races.
Crosstown, the Boston Herald delivers its annual words of good cheer compliments of Track Gal Gayle Fee.
‘Twas the night before Christmas
And on the Fast Track,
Not a creature was stirring
They were all in the sack.
The Track Shack was cluttered
With our worn-out Jimmy Choos.
We’d taken them off.
It was time for a snooze.
The Tracklets were nestled
All snug in their beds,
While visions of iPads
Danced in their heads.
The Track was curled up
In our jammies so snug.
After a whole year of gossip,
We were resting our tongues!
Until they weren’t.
What’s interesting is how little intersection there is in the two ditties.
The feisty local tabloid devotes six stanzas to Boston sports; the stately local broadsheet, just this:
First, pour a whiskey, single-barrel,
For all the hirsute Sons of Farrell:
Pedey, Papi, Daniel Nava,
Closer Koji Uehara.
Salud to bullpen cop Steve Horgan,
Donna Tartt, and Freeman, Morgan.
Name-dropping in the Herald: Kim Kardashian, the Wahlbergs, Ben Affleck, Whitey Bulger.
Name-dropping in the Globe:
Among pals we’ve wrapped presents for
Are Chiwetel Ejiofor,
Ivan Klima, Omar Sy,
And brave Malala Yousafzai.
Wassail to you, Jennifer F. Boylan,
Mark Pollock, Ben Cherington,
Mireille Enos, Janet Yellen
And ageless Sir Ian McKellen.
Finally, references to crosstown rivals.
He filled all the stockings,
Winked and pulled on a lobe.
“All the good stuff’s for the Herald.
Coal for John Henry’s Globe!”
What crosstown rival?
And then there’s this from the hardreading staff:
(Bill O’Reilly, eat your heart out.)
P.S. Family lore has it that my old man wanted to name his first-born Mary Christmas Carroll. Cooler heads (read: Jackie’s Agnes) prevailed.